


North

by HeavyHeartstrings



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Spoilers, Super Soft, grieving axel, set between 358/2 days and the end of khIII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavyHeartstrings/pseuds/HeavyHeartstrings
Summary: “There are moments when I catch myself looking north,” Axel says, just above a whisper. Sora takes a step closer to him and he doesn’t flinch back this time as he continues. “I just… stare at the stars and search for some kind of answer. Some kind of guidance.”





	North

**Author's Note:**

> wahhhhh guys! KHIII was everything, I'm still an emotional wreck. I had to pause in my other story to write this out. It has been a project in the works for some time, but I wanted to wait till KHIII came out so I could make it as canon as possible (excluding ages- Roxas is 18 here). I'm really happy with how it turned out, and I hope you are too. As always, enjoy my loves ♥

Quiet steps catch Axel’s attention as he sits atop the Clock Tower, eating his sea salt ice cream. He looks up, glancing at Roxas walking towards him. The blond pauses and Axel offers him a small smile.

“Hey, here comes the hard worker.” He says.

Roxas looks at him blankly before he sits down next to Axel, his hands in his lap.

He looks up to Axel and speaks quietly. “Xion around?” The blond asks.

“Haven’t seen her.” The redhead replies lowly.

Roxas glances back down into his lap, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Oh…” He says.

“Somebody’s gotta talk to that girl.” Axel teases, trying to lighten the mood.

The blond bites his lip. “It’s her choice if she wants to come join us or not.” He responds, his eyes half-lidded and sad-looking.

Axel scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “I guess that’s fair.” He murmurs. He says nothing else, staring out across Twilight Town and pursing his lips.

He hears Roxas inhale, and the teen speaks up again.

“Axel, I need to ask you something.” He says seriously, not meeting the redhead’s gaze.

Axel’s attention is fully on Roxas now and he blinks at the blond, trying to get a read on him.

“What’s up?” He asks. When Roxas doesn’t respond right away, his eyebrows furrow and he stiffens a little bit. “Did something happen?”

Roxas still isn’t meeting his gaze, but shakes his head back and forth. “Nah, it’s just…” He pauses, mouth still open slightly. “This is gonna sound stupid.” The blond nearly whispers.

Axel swallows thickly, waiting for Roxas continue. The blond turns himself towards Axel fully, his deep blue eyes wide with curiosity and innocence. They remind him of sapphires.

“Do you know what love is?” Roxas asks.

Axel stares at the blond with a blank expression. “’Scuse me?” He asks, trying to figure out if he heard the teen correctly.

The blond nods as if he knows what Axel was just thinking. “I found out about love on today’s mission- that it’s something powerful.” He continues.

Axel let’s out a short exhale and looks over the town. “That’s true. It is. But I’ll never get to experience it.” He says quietly.

“Nobodies can’t love?” The blond asks him, waving a hand.

Axel’s jaw tenses and he doesn’t meet Roxas’ gaze, even though he can feel the teen still staring at him. “You need a heart, man.” The redhead states seriously.

Roxas pauses, his eyes shifting downwards. “Right…”

Axel bites his lip, wondering if he was too harsh. “Love is what happens if there’s something really special between two people.” He offers softly.

The blond’s eyes narrow in thought. “You mean, like, if they’re best friends?”

Axel’s eyes widen for a moment before he catches himself, rubbing the back of his head nervously. “Well, you can care about your friends, I guess, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” He explains, hoping Roxas doesn’t hear the slight change of his tone.

The blond doesn’t seem to catch it, continuing. “So then…love is like a step above friends?”

Axel sighs. “Yes…” He opens his mouth again. “Well, no.” He corrects himself. “There aren’t “steps”.”

Roxas frowns, turning to look over the town again. “I don’t get it.” He mutters quietly.

The redhead shrugs, a lazy smile coming to his face. “What does it matter? We’ll never know the difference.” He says lightheartedly.

Roxas pauses for a moment before he responds. “If I had a heart, you think I could love somebody?” He asks.

The way he asks it makes Axel pause. His face gets serious for a moment, and his eyes close halfway as he stares at the ground below them. Logistically, yes, Roxas could love somebody if he had a heart. Axel may have never experienced true love as a Somebody, but he knew the way a heart could overtake your mind, making you say and do stupid things when you were attracted to someone. But the thought of the Roxas being like that towards someone…the thought of him loving someone makes Axel’s chest feel tight in a weird way that doesn’t feel familiar. He has to resist bringing a hand to his chest, instead clenching his fist tightly.

“Once Kingdom Hearts is complete, you’ll be able to do all kinds of things.” He responds shortly, trying to keep his voice casual.

Roxas brings his gaze to stare at the setting sun, his eyes glazing over with a layer of hollowness. “That’s good.” He says, his voice void of any emotion.

Axel closes his eyes, his chest feeling tighter again and takes a bite of his sea salt ice cream, trying to distract himself from paying it any mind.

* * *

Roxas decides to stay at the Clock Tower after Axel leaves, telling the redhead he’s going to wait around just in case Xion decides to show up last minute. He doesn’t think she’s going to, but the blond needs a reason to be by himself with his thoughts. It seems bad lying to Axel, but the redhead didn’t notice a thing, waving goodbye to him and telling him not to stay out too late.

Talking to Axel helped him get a better idea of what love is, but there are still so many questions he has. He thinks back to Belle and the Beast, and how they acted and spoke with each other, like no one else in the world mattered to them in that moment. Then he thinks of how Xaldin said they were acting like that because love was deluding them.

 _Deluding them? So, does love make your brain act funny?_ _How can something that comes from your heart overpower your mind?_

He sighs loudly, scratching at his head as he tries to understand.

“Axel said that it’s something really special between two people.” He muses aloud. Other than Belle and the Beast, there wasn’t anyone he knew who had something really special between them. He has something special between himself and Axel and Xion, but Axel said that’s not what he was talking about when he described it. But _could_ he love his friends? Could you even love more than one person?

Roxas lets out a groan, laying backwards and staring up at the sky. Why did this bug him so much? He can’t really explain it, but there is this nagging curiosity to explore, to learn. But if you need a heart to love someone, he wouldn’t ever be able to ever fully satisfy this phenomenon.

He raises his arm, staring at his gloved hand spread out above him. Was it really true? Was everyone a hundred percent certain Nobodies didn’t have hearts? Everyone told him so, but there's something kept deep beneath his mind, guarded by locks and chains of the unknown that gives him a sliver of doubt.

It just didn’t make sense. Roxas had no memories from his past-self to pull from, and yet he was certain he was able to feel things. Why couldn’t anyone explain that to him? They said he was just trying to convince himself he had emotions, which made him feel even more confused.

He clenches his fist tightly for a moment before he sighs, relaxing his arm and looking at the sky again. Was there any point in getting worked up over it? Clearly there was no way for him ever to truly understand. He sits up, holding his knees to his chest tightly and wishes for some kind of a sign.

* * *

_Warmth. I feel… a warmth._

His head feels fuzzy, like he’s just waking up. There’s a faint static in the back of his mind.

_What…is that?_

He opens his eyes slowly, blinking as the harsh sun beams down on him. The sky is so…blue. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen such bright hues. Clouds wisp around the sky in thin trails, moving in a slow haze. He blinks again, his lips parting slightly as he sits up slowly. In front of him is a large beach, the waves washing against the shore quietly at his feet. The water is an even brighter shade of aquamarine that makes him wonder if it’s even real. Can water be that blue? His hands feel the soft, white sand beneath his fingertips and he pauses, frowning.

_Where am I?_

Static begins building in the corner of his vision. He yawns, and then decides that he’s too comfy to care, laying back down and sighing. A second later, a girl pops out from above him.

Before he can react, a flash blinds him and suddenly he’s standing in front of the same girl, watching her grab his hand and place a star-shaped charm in his palm. She stares at him and smiles sweetly, mouthing something at him. He can’t hear what she says and after she’s finished he wants to ask her who she is, and what is going on.

Instead, his mouth moves on its own and he grips the charm close to himself, like he has no control of his body. He can’t even hear what he says, but he can feel a layer of warmth encircle his chest when he’s done speaking, a grin forming on his face.

The girl looks to him again and blinks, her eyes softening at him. She says something quietly, a smile coming to her face as she says it. He can feel the way she speaks to him with such sincerity and tenderness. Her words wrap him in a sense of peace and safeness, like she would always be there for him.

He feels the warmth in his chest grow into something more intense. A steady thumping in his chest begins taking over, pushing against his ribs in a continuous beat. It’s such a strange reaction, but he likes the way it feels and doesn’t want to let it go.

Then he blinks and the static in his mind starts building again. He blinks once, then twice and again, he’s in a different place. His arms are wrapped around the same girl as before, holding her close to him. Twinkling lights encircle them in soft movements and he can hear the sounds of the Heartless around him, but his body pays it no mind, holding the girl tightly against himself.

“ _Kairi,_

_Thank you.”_

* * *

 

Roxas jerks awake, blinking and sitting up slowly as he realizes he was dreaming. He pants quietly, running a hand through his blond spikes and then places his hand over his chest instinctively. He shakes his head when he realizes what he’s doing and sits up, fully awake and the dream already forgotten.

He puts on his cloak and boots and heads towards the common room, intent on getting his mission over with quickly. These past couple days he’s been distant, not wanting to talk to anyone including Axel. Xion has been asleep for five days now and Roxas is starting to wonder how much longer it will be before she wakes up. Axel insists that she’ll be just fine and tells him not to get worried about it, but he can’t shake the idea of something being off. When Xion does awaken though, the worry diminishes back down to nothing. He carries on missions like he usually does, and life returns to how it normally is. That is, until Roxas and Axel carry out another mission together.

When they arrive to Neverland and meet the fairy Roxas saw the last time he was there, she crosses her arms and flies in his face, a pout present. It takes him aback until he realizes why she’s upset, and he opens his mouth to apologize to her and offer to help her this time until Axel speaks up first.

“Hey, Roxas…” The tall redhead starts, staring at Roxas with a skeptical expression. “Who have we got here?” He asks, clearly intrigued that the blond knows such a character.

The fairy flies behind Roxas as if she’s shy of Axel, and Roxas glances from her to the redhead and shrugs. “I’m not sure, but we met the last time I was here. I don’t think she means any harm.” He replies.

A small smile forms on his face and he looks at Axel knowingly. “She’s the one who helped my fly.” He adds.

Axel quirks an eyebrow at Roxas and smirks. “Yeah, I already saw your demonstration.” He says sarcastically.

The blond rolls his eyes. “It’s true!” He protests. Just because he couldn’t show Axel he could fly right away when they arrived to the world…

He looks over to the fairy as an idea pops into his head. “Here, help me show him.” He says lowly to her. “Could you give us some more of that glowing stuff?” He asks hopefully.

The fairy brings a hand to her mouth in thought, and Roxas clenches his fist hesitantly, hoping she doesn’t leave him hanging. Then she flies across them back and forth, the sparkling dust coating them. Roxas lets out a breath of excitement as he starts to float, his eyes crinkling in joy and a smile on his face.

Axel takes half a step back, staring at Roxas with disbelief. “Wha-!?” He starts, mouth hung open in shock.

The blond lets out an excited laugh. “See? I told you!” He exclaims, flying in a circle around the redhead. Axel turns his body to watch his as he glides, his expression still stunned.

“How are you doing that?” Axel asks quizzically.

Roxas pauses in front of the redhead, shrugging slightly. “I can’t really describe it.” He starts. “Once she sprinkles you, just think, “I can fly,” and boom!” He says, waving his arms.

Axel raises an eyebrow. ““I can fly,” and boom, huh?” He asks skeptically.

The blond crosses his arms in a huff, looking away sheepishly. “Look, just give it a try.” He insists.

“All right…” Axel says, though he still sounds unconvinced. The redhead closes his eyes tightly, tilting his chin up and standing on the balls of his feet. He opens his eyes after a moment of nothing happening and lowers his stance, then tries again. When it doesn’t work a second time, Axel stares at Roxas with an unimpressed expression, looking like he’d just been fooled.

“I’m not feeling it, Roxas.” The redhead murmurs, eyeing him up suspiciously.

Roxas flies closer to the redhead, hovering so he’s eye-level with the taller man. “C’mon, try again. Believe me on this, Axel!” He says seriously, staring at the redhead sincerely.

Axel’s green eyes search his intently before he exhales. “Okay…” He says quietly, scratching the back of his head. “I believe you.”

Roxas offers him a small smile and nods, watching the redhead close his eyes softly this time and then suddenly he begins to float. He opens his eyes immediately, staring down at the ground in disbelief.

“I can fly…” He states quietly. A second later he fully registers what’s going on and then he looks up at Roxas excitedly. “I can fly!?” He nearly shouts, holding his arms out in front of him like he’s going to lose his balance.

Roxas laughs breathlessly, grabbing onto Axel’s forearms to steady him. The redhead’s eyes meet his in an excited nervousness and then he laughs back, staring at Roxas with an expression he doesn’t really recognize. But it captivates him, making the blond not want to look away. Up this close, Roxas thinks that Axel’s eyes are even more intense, the bright hues shining bright like emeralds.

“You can fly.” He repeats to Axel quietly, tilting his head to the side slightly. Axel’s smile grows into a grin and he begins flying around them, flipping and twirling through the air in excitement. Roxas watches him fondly, listening to the redhead’s yells of excitement. A moment later a warmth balls in his chest, and a steady thumping begins from inside of it.

His eyes widen and he gasps, looking down at his chest in shock. Before he can even try to process what just happened, he hears Axel yelling at him, telling him to get out of the way. He turns around and barely dodges the canon ball flying straight towards him, shouting in surprise and fleeing with Axel.

That night when they return from their mission, Roxas tells Axel he’s not feeling well and doesn’t even wait for the redhead to reply to him, walking off towards his room with his head low. He was able to keep his body on auto-pilot for the remainder of their mission, but now that it’s done he can barely look at Axel, let alone speak to him without his chest constricting and the thumping beginning again. He enters his room and locks the door behind him, pressing his back against it and breathing shallowly.

“What’s going on?” He whimpers quietly to himself, holding a hand to his chest and closing his eyes. He keeps thinking back to the moment Axel started flying, and how they both stared at each other, faces just inches away from each other. The thumping in his chest starts picking up and he grits his teeth, opening his eyes and marching into his bathroom to wash his face. The cold water makes him shiver slightly, taking his mind off of the redhead momentarily.

But when he closes his eyes again the feeling floods his mind again and he groans. He walks back into his room, dropping onto his bed with a huff and buries his face into his pillow. He closes his eyes, trying to let his thoughts drift away from Axel and into a deep slumber so he can just forget the whole thing.

* * *

 

Axel sighs when he doesn’t see Roxas at the Clock Tower for the sixth day in a row. Call him crazy, but the redhead is starting to think that Roxas is avoiding him or something. But why would he do that? Axel doesn’t recall doing anything to upset the blond. He sighs, finishing the last of his ice cream and stands up, summoning a dark corridor and returning to the castle.

When he’s in his room that night, he lays in his bed on top of the covers with his hands folded behind his head as he stares up at the white ceiling. He mentally files through every recent conversation he’s had with the blond, analyzing everything they’ve said to each other and not being able to come up with a reason as to why the blond wouldn’t want to see him.

He rolls onto his side, frowning and sighing loudly. Was he just being presumptuous? They had gone longer periods of time without seeing each other than this, and nothing had ever been an issue. But something felt off. Axel couldn’t quite put his finger on it, yet he had an instinctual feeling that something was bugging the blond.

Determined to find out the issue and help his friend, Axel sits up and marches out of his room and down the hallway towards Roxas’ room. When he gets to the door he doesn’t bother knocking, especially because if Roxas is avoiding him, he doesn’t want to give the blond an opportunity to flee. Roxas looks up from his position on the bed, sitting atop it with his knees pulled tightly to his chest. His eyes are wide in surprise and they look watery, like the blond has been crying.

“Roxas?” Axel asks softly, immediately walking in the room and towards his bed with concern in his eyes. The blond turns his head down towards his lap, rubbing at his eyes hastily. He keeps his gaze low, trying to sound casual as he speaks.

“Oh, Axel. I, uh, wasn’t expecting you.” He says quietly.

The redhead frowns at Roxas, his eyes still worried. “What’s going on?”

The teen shakes his head, his blind spikes tousling softly. “I don’t even know.” He admits quietly after a moment of silence, closing his eyes and leaning his head down again.

Axel’s gaze shifts downwards and then he bites his lip, sitting on the edge of the bed. He sits quietly for a minute or so, trying to figure out what to say to the blond. His mind is swimming with thoughts. How is this even possible? Nobodies aren’t supposed to _cry_. Sure, they could replicate emotions through their memories, but intensely enough to bring them to tears? It went against everything he thought he knew. Although, Roxas is different from your typical Nobody, so maybe that has something to do with it. He looks to the blond again, wanting to say something to make Roxas laugh, or even crack a smile. But with the way he is right now, Axel doesn’t think it would help with anything.

So he takes a breath, reaching a hand out and resting it on his arm gently. Roxas looks up at him, his crystal blues filled with tears and the tracks of previous ones running down his cheeks. The redhead’s hand reaches out without him thinking, cupping Roxas’ cheek and wiping a tear away gently with his thumb. As his mind catches up to his action, he’s about to pull away and apologize when the blond leans into his touch, closing his eyes. His eyelashes are wet and Axel wants to wipe them dry to make the tears go away, his eyes still full of concern.

“Maybe try to tell me why you’re crying.” He eases gently.

“Is that what this is? Crying?” The blond asks, his eyes still closed.

Axel swallows thickly. “Uh, yea. It’s something that people usually do when they’re sad.” He explains.

Roxas opens his eyes halfway, staring at the redhead curiously. “Sad? But how can I be sad if I can’t feel?” He asks breathily and sniffles.

Axel stares at the blond for a moment, trying to think of an answer to give him. But he doesn’t come up with anything, instead glancing to the side and shaking his head and dropping his hand.

“I dunno Roxas. It’s kind of baffling me too right now.” He muses, scratching the back of his head.

He hears the blond let out a shaky breath and stares at him again, watching the teen start wringing his hands nervously. Roxas says nothing, his eyes full of uncertainty and nervousness. It makes Axel smile at him gently, resting his hand on the blond’s arm again.

Roxas doesn’t look at him as he begins. “I think…” He pauses, licking his lips. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

The redhead stares at him seriously, frowning. “What? Why would you say that?” He asks.

Roxas shakes his head, lowering his knees and reaching for the zipper of his cloak. Axel watches him wordlessly, unsure of what the teen is about to do, but not wanting to stop him. The blond unzips the cloak halfway down his chest before he pauses and then reaches for Axel’s hand. The redhead doesn’t resist, allowing the blond to hold his hand and remove the black glove from it, placing it on the bed. He gulps when Roxas’ hand wraps around his wrist and pulls Axel’s hand towards his chest, slipping it under his cloak and pressing his palm against the blond’s chest.

His eyes widen when he feels the thumping in Roxas’ chest, the beats pumping in a continuous rhythm. One that feels very familiar to a time long ago. Time itself seems to stop in that moment and Axel nearly pulls his hand away as if Roxas’ skin burned him, but he catches himself and blinks, exhaling quietly.

“Do you know what this could be? Am I okay?” The blond asks anxiously, waiting for Axel to give him some kind of an answer.

The redhead lets his hand fall and opens his mouth, pausing. Of course he knows, but would it be smart to tell Roxas that? He’s having a difficult time trying to wrap his mind around this as it is, unsure if what he just felt was real. He reaches his hand under Roxas’ cloak again, feeling the beating against his chest and clenches his jaw.

“I don’t, Roxas.” He lies on the spot. “How long has this been going on?” He asks.

The blond bites his lip. “About five days now. Since the Neverland mission.” He says quietly.

Axel places his hands on the blue-eyed teen’s shoulders, learning down to him. “And have you told anyone else?” He asks seriously.

Roxas shakes his head, sniffling slightly. “No.” He says sadly.

The redhead frowns, glancing to the side and sighing. He places his hand around the back of the blond’s head and pulls him into his chest, wrapping his other arm around Roxas’ middle.

“You can tell me anything, Roxas.” He murmurs into the blond’s ear. He can feel the light beating in Roxas’ chest against his, making his own chest feel hollow and sore. The familiar feeling of sadness crawls up his spine in a slow ascension, making him wish he could take away the teen’s problems himself.

“What are you doing?” The blond muffles into his shoulder quietly. Axel blinks, pulling him away and staring down at him.

“It’s called a hug. Close friends do it to show their affection.” The redhead explains. Roxas nods slowly, leaning towards him again and wrapping his arms around Axel’s middle. The redhead smiles fondly, hugging Roxas close again and closing his eyes.

“It’s making me feel a bit better.” Roxas muffles into his shoulder again. The redhead chuckles lowly, his thumb stroking the back of the blue-eyed teen’s head.

“Good.” Axel says.

“How long do friends usually hug?” The blond asks quietly.

Axel lets out another short laugh, pulling away and looking down at the blond with a smile. “Well, not many people hug as long as we just did. Usually it’s just a couple seconds.”

Roxas nods, wiping at his face again to get rid of the tear trails down his cheeks. “Oh.” He says, sounding a little confused. “Did you hug me longer because I needed your affection?” He asks.

Axel feels his face burning a little bit, caught off guard by the innocent yet telling question. The redhead bites his lip. “Er…Sure. Let’s go with that.”

Roxas nods and sniffles, rubbing at his eyes. “You can’t let anyone find out about this.” Axel continues, pulling away to grab the blond’s shoulders lightly.

“Even Xion?” He asks curiously.

Axel grunts, nodding. “Yea. Just for now.”

“Alright,” Roxas says lowly. “It’s a promise.”

Axel smiles, pulling Roxas in for another hug and rests his chin on the blond’s head. He opens his eyes halfway, staring at the wall with a sorrowful expression, wondering if he’s making the right decision.

“Right. A promise.”

* * *

 

It’s been nearly two weeks since Roxas has told Axel about his discovery, and the redhead has assured him that he’s going to do some recon and find out what it could be that’s inside of him. The blond carries on his missions as usual and is able to keep himself composed as normal, not having the weird feeling in his chest bug him often. It’s always pumping in a steady rhythm, the sound becoming familiar to Roxas in just a few days. The only times it really seems to give him trouble is when he’s around Axel, and when he is trying to fall asleep at night. When his thoughts become entangled in Axel, the thumping increases in speed and sometimes he gets flustered around the redhead.

He hasn’t told Axel about this discovery, and really isn’t sure if he can to be honest. When he tried to bring it up to the redhead one day after a mission, the beating in his chest became so wild that he could nearly hear it in his ears. His throat became tight as well, almost like a grip around his neck was growing tighter and tighter by the second. It caused Roxas to choke up and change the subject, assuring Axel that he was fine even though the redhead gave him a puzzled look and double checked to make sure he was alright.

At first, Roxas wondered if the weird sensation in his chest was a response to being around his friends. One day after a mission one day he sat with Xion eating ice cream though, and he realized it wasn’t the case with her. He couldn’t understand it very well, but he knew that being around Xion was a good thing just like when he was with Axel. The difference was that the blond never found himself becoming flustered around the black-haired girl and the beating in his chest always remained in its steady beating.

So, it left Roxas feeling rather annoyed if anything, being frustrated he wasn’t able to understand why his body was acting the way it was. Axel told him he hasn’t learned anything new since the redhead started his recon, which didn’t help his predicament any further. In fact, it made the blond wonder if there was any way he would ever be able to find out what was going on inside of him at all.

Today though, Axel notices that something has been bugging him, because after a mission when they’re sitting atop the clock tower the redhead brings it up as he passes Roxas a sea salt ice cream bar.

“Everything alright? You’re kinda reminding me of when you first arrived to the Organization.” The redhead muses, cracking a small smile.

Roxas would have normally smiled back, maybe even cracked a joke about how he used to act like a zombie, but today he just holds the ice cream in his hands and stares at the bright blue treat. His appetite has been off lately too; Sea salt ice cream doesn’t seem to taste as good as it used to.

“I…” The blond tries, unable to come up with an excuse on the spot. He sighs, closing his eyes and lowering his head slightly.

“Ah, ah,” he hears Axel says from beside him. The blond looks up to the redhead with a puzzled expression as he continues. “Come on Rox. Best friends tell each other when something’s bugging them.” He says, winking.

Roxas looks back to his ice cream in a flash, feeling the thumping pick up slightly in his chest with the way Axel looks at him. “It’s just…” He starts again. “I think I’ve noticed something lately.” He explains.

Axel remains silent, waiting for the blond to continue. Roxas holds his free hand to his chest and closes his eyes, focusing on the feeling. “It’s this.” He says quietly.

“What about it? Has it been bugging you?” The redhead asks lowly.

Roxas shakes his head. “Not really.” He lies, then pauses. Axel is right; best friends needs to tell each other when something bugs them and he shouldn’t be lying. He takes a breath, forcing himself to speak. “Well, actually sometimes.” He corrects himself.

The redhead shuffles a little closer to him, setting down the finished ice cream stick and stares at Roxas intently. “Oh? When does that happen?” He asks softly.

The blond takes a deep breath, exhaling and opening his mouth. “When I’m…around you.” He responds quietly.

After a moment of silence, Roxas looks towards Axel to gauge his reaction and is surprised to see him staring at Roxas with a gaze he can’t really read. The redhead seems to snap out of his daze when Roxas’ eyes meet his, then Axel looks away sheepishly.

“Well,” the redhead starts, rubbing a hand behind his head. “Can you describe it?” He asks.

There’s a hint of nervousness in the redhead’s voice, which surprises Roxas. He brushes over it though, trying his best to explain it as his fist tightens over his chest. “The beating… it gets faster when I’m with you.” He says. “And it’s like…being around you makes me anxious.” He says, looking at his ice cream again, which has now half melted on his hands. Still, he doesn’t make a move to eat it.

“Anxious in a bad way?” Axel asks, his voice just above a whisper.

Roxas blinks, shaking his head. “No.”

The redhead lets out a hum, turning his gaze to stare at the sky. He doesn’t say anything else for a long time, but Roxas doesn’t pester him as he watches the gears in Axel’s head turn.

Eventually Axel looks down at him again, resting a hand on his shoulder. “If it does bug you, I can leave you be.” He suggests, his expression falling slightly.

Roxas looks to his hand then to his face, shaking his head quickly. “No!” He cries out. Axel flinches at the outburst and Roxas catches himself, looking away again. “Sorry. It’s just, I don’t want that. I could never want that.” He says.

The redhead’s hand on his shoulder tightens a bit. “Okay.” He says breathlessly. “Then, what do you want?” He asks.

Roxas stares at Axel with an unsure gaze, his chest thumping extra loudly when their gazes meet. Axel’s face is pretty close to his right now, and his eyes captivate the blond into a silence as he tries to think.

“I don’t know.” The blond answers truthfully. Then he sets his melting treat down next to him. He looks over the town, narrowing his eyes at the bright light. A warmth starts to build in his chest again, like it did the day in Neverland. Roxas swallows thickly, having no idea what it means. If only there was some way he could figure it out…

He closes his eyes and releases the tension in his shoulders, sighing quietly. He decides to just focus on the warmth, trying to accept it instead of pushing it away like he has been doing lately. He feels his hand start moving on its own, reaching to where Axel’s rests on his shoulders. The redhead doesn’t move, allowing Roxas to grasp his wrist and guide his hand. He brings it to his face, so his palm cups the blond’s cheek like he did the day the redhead found out about his condition.

Axel doesn’t speak; doesn’t utter a single word or make any kind of movement. His hand is warm against Roxas’ face, and the blond feels himself leaning into the feeling like he did last time as he keeps his eyes closed. They stay like that for sometime, neither breaking the silence or moment between them, but eventually Roxas is the first to speak again.

He opens his eyes slowly, meeting Axel’s gaze. They stare at each other like nothing else is around them. For all Roxas knows, there _is_ nothing else around them. All he sees is Axel and his piercing green eyes, his fiery red hair and high cheekbones adorned with the teardrop marks.

“All I know, is that I want this.” Roxas says so softly, he almost doesn’t hear himself say it. “All I want…is you, Axel.”

The redhead’s eyes close slowly, then he opens them after a few seconds and nods once.

“Then, I’m yours.” Axel whispers to him.

* * *

 

 _This isn’t the way things were supposed to turn out_ , Axel thinks bitterly to himself as he summons a a dark corridor to continue searching for Xion. Everything that has happened in the past few days with her disappearance has created a rift between him and Roxas. The blond has constantly been pestering him about it, practically begging to come along and help him search. Telling him no isn’t what Axel wanted to do, but knowing his position and how things are in the Organization right now leaves no room for flexibility.

It doesn’t help that the last time he spoke with Roxas, the blond begun to piece together that Axel had some kind of an understanding about Xion’s creation and purpose.

“Axel,” Roxas’ voice calls from behind him as he starts walking into the corridor.

The redhead pauses, turning to face the blond. He notices the determined, yet slightly hostile look in his eyes and begins to feel the guilt build. “Hey Roxas.” He responds as casually as he can.

The blond doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but Axel waits patiently for him. Roxas looks down in thought for a second before staring up at Axel again. “Did you find Xion yet?” He asks, his voice slightly hopeful.

“You know it isn’t going to be that easy.” The redhead answers quietly.

Roxas glances to the side, his expression falling slightly. “I suppose not…” He says.

There’s a stretch of silence between them as Axel continues to stare at the blond, watching him speak up again. “Have you known…about Xion this whole time?”

Axel looks away, wishing there was a way to avoid this conversation. “No, not the whole time.”

“Since when then?” Roxas asks immediately.

“Uhhh… I can’t exactly remember when.” The redhead answers, bringing his hand to his head.

Roxas’ eyes search his for some kind of answers, then he gives the redhead a defeated look. “Didn’t get it memorized, huh?” He asks.

Axel gives him a half-smile, then his expression changes into a frown when Roxas looks to the ground and sighs. “Axel…” He starts. “Who am I, really?”

It’s the last question Axel would ever want to hear, but there’s no doubt in his mind that Roxas just said it. He blinks once, staring at the blond seriously and tries to find the right thing to say.

Roxas doesn’t give him time to respond, holding up his hands as he continues. “I’m special like Xion. I know that. But the Organization wanted me out of the picture.” He says, clenching one of his hands shut tightly. He looks up to Axel, eyes starting to become colder. “Am I right?”

Axel swallows thickly. “Yea…they did.”

The blond stares at his closed fist. “I guess it’s ‘cause Xion copied my powers, and the Keyblade’s powers, and they didn’t need me anymore.”

Axel wants to interrupt. To tell him that he’s wrong-

“And Axel, I guess you felt the same way.” Roxas finishes, his eyes becoming half-lidded as he stares at his fist.

The redhead turns to him sharply, eyes widening. “You’re wrong there. You’ll always be…my best friend.” He says, holding out his hand to the shorter teen.

His response causes something to snap inside of Roxas, his sapphire eyes becoming filled with rage. “Best friends are supposed to be honest with each other!” He roars, stepping towards the redhead.

Axel’s throat becomes tight as the blond continues. “Who am I, Axel?” The blond asks softer this time, his eyes pleading. “Xemnas says me and Xion are connected to each other through Sora.” He explains, eyes scanning the ground.

Roxas looks up to him as he continues, becoming agitated again. “I don’t even know a Sora! Am I a puppet like Xion?” He bursts out.

Axel tries to keep himself calm, finding it harder to do so as each second passes by. “You’re different from Xion.” He offers.

Roxas clenches his fists tightly again. “Then why d-“

“Finding out the truth doesn’t always work out for the best.” Axel interrupts coldly.

Roxas stares at him in surprise for a moment, clearly not having expected such a response. “What makes you so sure about that?” He asks, the hurt and betrayal dripping from his voice. “I have the right to know the truth!” He exclaims.

Axel wants to reach out and grab him, hold the blond close and tell him he doesn’t want that. Because if he does find out the truth, it will be the end for him. They’ve already lost Xion, and now Roxas? Axel doesn’t think he’d be able to find the will to continue living if the blond left too.

“How did I even get here?” The blond asks incredulously. His voice begins to rise with each following question. “Why am I so special? Where did I learn how to use the Keyblade?”

Each question sends a spear through Axel’s chest, and he nearly brings a fist to it and the feeling of hopelessness and sadness builds within him.

“I hardly know who I am! What is so wrong with wanting some answers!?” Roxas finishes with a strain in his voice, waving his arms around.

“Roxas…” Axel tries one more time.

The blond’s eyes are unchanging, and he takes another step towards him. “I need to know, Axel.” He says, panting lightly. “Please… who am I?” He begs.

His thoughts are running wild with all of the things he wants to say, but none of them are what he chooses to. “You’ve just gotta trust me, Roxas.” He reasons.

Then the blond looks up at him and his expression would have broken Axel’s heart if he had one. Still, he feels the crushing weight of anguish and stinging pain or regret.

“I don’t. I can’t.” Roxas says quietly, each word cutting Axel down like he used his Keyblade.

The blond starts to walk away, causing Axel to reach out to him instinctively. “Roxas…”

But the blond doesn’t stop, walking away in determination. “Somebody knows where I came from. If I can’t get answers here, I’ll get them somewhere else.” He bites out.

Axel can’t seem to move, his feet clinging to the spot he’s in like they’re made of lead. He sees the blond pause up ahead, his head tilted to the ground as he finishes. “That’ll be the person…I trust.” Roxas finishes lowly, exiting the room.

The redhead watches him go, then finds himself waiting for the blond in the streets of the World That Never Was, unable let him slip through his fingers. But even after he tries to stop Roxas one last time, his efforts are futile.

After that, Axel feels like the hollowest Nobody of all.

_This isn’t the way things were supposed to turn out._

* * *

 

When Axel wakes up in the familiar research lab, his mind is hazy. The first thought that comes to him is Roxas, speaking the blond’s name in his disoriented state. The memories of the Organization, Roxas and his last actions to save Sora… they all come back to him, making him clench a hand to his head as he grits his teeth. A tidal wave of emotions hit him at once and he has to lean against the giant terminal to steady himself.

If Axel thought he knew the feeling of guilt as a Nobody, he was severely lacking in that sense compared to now because his entire being is covered in layers upon layers of remorse. All he can think about is Roxas, how he wronged the blond and wishes he could have done everything differently.

But that’s in the past now, and Roxas is gone. The only person who has a connection to him is probably back home on his Islands, living out the rest of his days with his buddies. The thought is a sobering reality, and Axel has to take deep breaths to keep himself collected, else he might collapse and have a breakdown.

Instead, he forces himself to continue on. After Ienzo and Aeleus become conscious again and they start searching for the others, Axel realizes there’s only one thing he can do to make up for the things he’s done to so many people and keep his promise to Roxas.

So he finds Mickey and Yen Sid, explaining that he’s willing to do anything it takes to bring back his friend. Surprisingly enough they accept him in, warning the redhead that it won’t be an easy task. When he closes his eyes at their words, he sees Roxas standing in front of him, his blue eyes sparkling like diamonds and a playful smile adorned his lips and that’s all he needs to open them again and tell them he’s prepared to do anything it takes.

After Sora and Riku’s Mark of Mastery Exam and his unexpected act of heroism, Axel surprises everyone including himself when he summons a Keyblade. It’s in that moment that he finds a new light; one that tells him he’s going to bring Roxas back and make good of his promise.

* * *

It’s been a couple months since Axel started training with his Keyblade, and as time passes his guilt never seems to fade away, remaining at a stagnant all time high and even growing when he’s around Sora. He tries not to let it get to him, but anytime he’s in the same room as the brunet, his heart clenches tightly like someone is reaching into his chest and trying to crush it with their fist. The feeling is like no other, sometimes being so intense that Axel needs to leave the room without an explanation.

It happens again at dinner one night when himself, Kairi, Riku and Sora are eating dinner together at the Mysterious Tower. It’s rare that both the silver-haired teen and brunet are able to visit, but when they do Kairi makes them eat dinner together, so they can recap on their training and ask Sora and Riku about their travels.

Axel is the last to arrive and immediately feels his throat tighten when he sees the brunet chatting with Kairi happily, his blue eyes full of excitement and joy. It’s weird, Axel thinks to himself; Sora and Roxas share the same eyes, but somehow, they’re very different from each other. He can’t describe what it is, but it’s enough for Axel to tell and it makes him purse his lips at the teen.

Riku notices Axel first, giving the redhead a curt nod. He nods back at the silver-haired teen and has to will himself to remain calm when Sora and Kairi both look to him next.

“Axel!” The brunet exclaims, another wave of excitement coming over him.

Axel forces a smirk onto his face even as his heartstrings are tugged at by Sora’s smile. “How many times have I told you now? It’s Lea.” He drawls teasingly, walking over to the long table.

“You know Sora well enough by now that he never listens.” Riku chimes in, giving the shocked brunet his own teasing smile.

Axel sits down next to Kairi, giving the girl a tight smile and glances down at his plate. The food looks delicious, but Axel feels his stomach knot tightly in protest at the sight of it. He would try to eat it though, otherwise the three would pester him and give him grief about it.

She smiles back at him. Then turns to the other boys. “One day he’ll get it. These things take time.” She says.

“I’m sitting right here!” Sora protests, waving his arms around dramatically. Riku gives him an unimpressed look when the brunet accidently hits his fork off the table and Sora rubs the back of his neck, apologizing sheepishly as his friend retrieves the fork.

Axel stays relatively silent the entire meal, trying to keep his eyes off of Sora as he picks at his food. It doesn’t help that the brunet is sitting right across from him, so anytime he looks up Sora is the first thing in his line of sight. At some point the entire table goes silent, causing Axel to look up at them all sharply, expecting all eyes to be on him.

But Kairi and Riku are staring at Sora, who has a crestfallen look on his face and stares at the table. “Sora?” Kairi asks. “Is everything alright?”

The blue-eyed brunet snaps out of his daze, clearing his throat. “Uh, yea, it’s just.” He pauses, looking up at meeting Axel’s eyes. “It’s just…” He starts again. “I think I’ve noticed something lately.” He explains.

Axel freezes all at once, his entire body going numb. When he sees Sora lift a hand to his chest to rub at the spot above his heart, the redhead feels himself become nauseous all of a sudden and stands up sharply, catching everyone’s attention. Before they can stop him, he exits the room hastily even as Kairi calls out to him, asking him to come back. He ignores her though, breaking out into a run down the many stairs of the tower until he reaches the bottom, his lungs on fire and skin burning hot. He needs to get away from them, away from Sora.

He pushes open the doors of the tower and pauses outside with his hands on his knees, feeling more out of breath than he should be. The world around him feels like it’s moving so fast even though no one is around him, and Axel thinks with the way his heart is racing frantically right now he might collapse in shock. He can feel his body trembling slightly, especially when he brings a hand up to run it through his spikes.

Even after some time, Axel is left panting as if he’s unable to get air into his lungs. He clenches his fists together tightly at his sides and grits his teeth, feeling so many different things rushing through his head and wishes they would all just stop. This is all too much- he wants to crawl out of his skin and scream to the heavens for forgiveness; Beg for redemption until his voice is raspy and he can’t speak-

“Axel?”

The redhead whips around to face Sora, eyes wide like a fearful animal and he stills at the teen’s sad expression. He swears it sounded like Roxas just then- yet the one who stands in front of him proves otherwise. He tries to open his mouth, tries to tell Sora that he’s fine and he’s just got an upset stomach, but his mouth won’t seem to open.

“Are you…” The brunet starts, taking a step towards him. Sora pauses when he sees the way Axel tenses, then stops in his tracks. “Did I…do something wrong?” He asks quietly.

Axel feels his head shake back and forth at the teen’s heartbroken tone. “No…” He manages to get out quietly.

“Then, I don’t understand.” Sora says, looking to the ground. “It feels like anytime you see me, you get all quiet and rush out in a hurry.” He says dejectedly.

The redhead stares at Sora for a moment before closing his eyes shut tightly and exhaling. He takes another long breath before being able to formulate a sentence. “It’s not that you… _did_ anything per say.” He tries, swallowing thickly when Sora looks up to him again. God, those _eyes_. He can practically see Roxas in them.

“It’s just- when I look at you…” He tries, feeling the words die in his mouth and looks to the side.

“You see him?” The brunet finishes.

Axel closes his eyes, shoulders slumping and nods. So, the kid wasn’t as thick as he seemed. Sora doesn’t say anything for some time, staring at the ground while Axel stares off into the distance.

“Sometimes,” Sora starts, catching the redhead’s attention. “Sometimes when I’m dreaming, I think I see memories of you guys together. Atop the Clock Tower.” He says, bringing a closed fist to his chest.

The redhead narrows his eyes back towards where he was standing, coughing lightly. “Yea. We had some good times up there.” He says, trying to ignore the frog in his throat.

“I know.” Sora says, his voice soft. His words perplex Axel and the redhead looks to him in question.

The brunet notices his confusion and jumps slightly. “I-I can feel it.” He explains, flattening his palm against his chest. “I feel a lot of things through him, and he feels a lot of things through me.” He adds.

Axel isn’t left with much to say to that, nodding and still unable to meet the brunet’s eyes again.

“There are moments when I catch myself looking north,” Axel says, just above a whisper. Sora takes a step closer to him and he doesn’t flinch back this time as he continues. “I just… stare at the stars and search for some kind of answer. Some kind of guidance.”

Sora doesn’t say anything as Axel continues, shaking his head back and forth as he looks at the sky above. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be looking for. All I know is that I miss him, Sora. I miss him so much.” He finishes.

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels the tears streaming down his face, but makes no move to wipe them away. “I should have told him everything.” He says, voice cracking slightly. “But I was selfish. I was weak. Maybe if I did…things could have ended up differently.” Axel finishes.

“It’s not over yet.” Sora says quietly.

Axel sniffles and then wipes at his face, exhaling shakily. He has to force himself to continue looking away even as Sora comes closer to him, the brunet stopping just in front of him.

“You don’t believe me, but it’s true.” The brunet insists.

He opens his mouth to tell Sora believing has gotten him nowhere, but halts when the brunet grasps his wrist gently. Axel turns his head sharply to stare down at Sora, watching the brunet bring his hand to his cheek ever so slowly. He wants to rip his hand away from him, maybe even curse him out for doing such a thing, but finds himself paralyzed as his hand meets the teen’s skin.

When he stares into Sora’s eyes, he swears he sees Roxas standing in front of him, holding the redhead’s hand to his cheek like he used to and feels his vision become blurry again. The next thing he knows he’s wrapping his arms around Sora and holding the teen close to him while he sobs into his head.

The brunet doesn’t protest, hugging Axel back and staying silent as he cries. He stays in the brunet’s arms for some time and is thankful that Sora doesn’t shove him off at any point.

“Master Yen Side and Mickey said this wouldn’t be easy. I’m starting to think they were right.” Axel finally says, raising his head and sniffling as he lets go of Sora.

The brunet gives a soft chuckle, pulling away slightly to look up at Axel.

“We’ll get him back. It’s a promise.” Sora says, tilting his head to the side.

Axel bites his lips to keep a fresh wave of tears from spilling over and nods hastily.

“Right. A Promise.”

* * *

 

As Axel watches Xemnas raise his weapon to Xion’s unresponsive body, he raises his hand to her and tries to stand up, but is heavily wounded from the man’s previous attack. _This can’t be it_ , he thinks to himself. A moment later he sees a faint glow appear over Sora suddenly and watches as a ball of light shoots from his chest towards the sky. It comes back down in a frenzy, the light hurling downwards in a rod towards Xemnas.

The silver-haired man jumps back just as the light makes contact with the ground and sends a shockwave, causing a huge boom and clouds of dust to erupt around them. Axel stares at the scene, panting heavily and unsure of what just happened. Then he hears a voice.

“Hands off my friends.” It calls out.

Axel’s eyes widen in shock and his heart beats loudly in his chest.

“It cannot be.” Xemnas says with disbelief. Axel almost agrees with him, watching as the dust begins to slowly clear away. The redhead looks up and sees the two Keyblades in his hands, then watches him remove his black hood in a swift movement, revealing the familiar blond spikes.

Axel gasps sharply. “Roxas!” He calls out breathlessly.

The blond turns his head to the side, giving him a quick glance. “My turn.” He says.

The redhead can only stand up shakily and watch as the one person he missed with all of his being stand fiercely between them and Xemnas. He’s at a loss for words as Roxas explains his return, eyes glued to the back of the blond’s head.

After Xemnas kidnaps Kairi and leaves a feral Saix to fight them, Roxas ends the battle quickly with a strength and speed Axel has never seen before. He watches the battle end fairly quickly as the three take down Saix, then runs to the blue-haired man as he collapses.

There’s so many things going through his head as he holds Saix close, hearing the man reveal his jealousy over Axel’s friendship with Roxas and Xion. None of their fights and anger means anything now as Axel holds his friend close, watching him fade into nothingness.

Sora excuses himself quickly and with that, it leaves the trio reunited together at once.

“All right, what now?” Axel says. He turns to look at Roxas in surprise as the teen walks towards him, then instinctively feels his gaze soften. He wants to go to the blond, to scoop him in his arms and apologize endlessly, but then he hears the quiet cries of Xion from behind them.

They both turn to stare at her, the black-haired girl’s eyes filed with tears as she stifles to keep herself under control. Roxas runs towards her, staring at her in surprise.

Axel smiles fondly at them. He could wait a little longer.

* * *

 

They meet each other at Central Station in Twilight Town. Roxas wears the familiar outfit Axel saw him in back when he left the Organization, while Axel dresses in all black.

“You’d wear the Organization coat still if you could.” Roxas teases to him as they begin making their way up the steps of the Tower.

Axel can only chuckle softly in response, shrugging. “If it aint broken, don’t fix it. You know what I mean?” He responds.

The blond just laughs back, nodding. They reach the top of the Tower fairly quickly and soon enough they’re sitting in the spot they used to, their shoulders brushing up against each other.

“Just like old times.” Roxas says quietly as he smiles and stares out at the sunset, shielding his eyes a bit from the sun.

Axel nudges him slightly with his shoulder and when the blond looks up at him in question, his eyes widen a bit at the sight of the sea-salt ice cream. Roxas smiles brightly, accepting the treat with a thanks.

“Now it’s just like old times.” Axel adds, taking a bite of his ice cream. He smiles as they sit in silence, finishing the treat quickly and sucking on the wooden stick. He looks to Roxas, seeing that the blond has barely touched his own ice cream.

The redhead pulls the ice cream stick from his mouth, pointing to Roxas’. “Hey, you’re letting it melt.” He points out.

Roxas jumps lightly in surprise, looking at the treats and gasps. Axel laughs quietly as the blond licks at it hastily, trying to salvage all he can.

“Everything alright?” Axel asks, feeling a small burst of anxiety begin to fill his mind.

Roxas pauses for a moment, then turns to stare up at Axel. “You knew.” He says quietly.

Axel tilts his head to the side. “Knew what?” He asks.

“Back then, I had a heart. You knew.” Roxas clarifies.

His voice carries no ill-will or malice, but still it makes Axel tense up and look to the horizon. The guilt he thought was now gone starts snaking its way up his spine and he swallows thickly. It crawls up his body quickly and his heart starts picking up in unease.

“I did.” He finally admits.

Roxas says nothing else, which makes the redhead think things are about to go downhill. He opens his mouth to apologize profusely to the blond, to tell him that he only did it because he was scared-

But Roxas beats him to it.

“It’s okay, Axel.” He says, voice so soft it breaks Axel. He feels his eyes water at the words, then blinks and looks down.

He feels the blond’s hand rest above his and stares at it as Roxas continues. “Everything back then was a mess. We both did what we thought was best at the time.” He reasons.

“You’re not mad? Even a little?” Axel asks quietly.

He sees the blond shake his head in his peripheral. “Not even a little. None of that matters now.” He says, his grip tightening slightly.

Axel swallows thickly as a tear rolls down his cheek, unable to fully accept the answer.

"I felt all the things you made Sora feel after I rejoined him. I experienced the words you said to him, the actions you took to save him." Roxas says softly. "How could I even try to be mad after that? You...kept your promise Axel."

He watches Roxas pull his hand back, and Axel’s eyes widen when he feels the blond’s hand come to rest on his cheek. Axel turns to look at the blond, seeing the affection in his eyes as he wipes away the tear with his thumb gently.

“It’s amazing that you’re here.” Axel whispers.

The blond smiles at him with such a warmth it makes Axel’s heart skip a beat. “Yea. And I’m not going anywhere without you by my side.” He says.

The redhead shakes his head slightly, closing his eyes as more tears start to fall. Roxas just wipes them away without a word, bringing his other hand to cup the redhead’s face. When he opens them again, the blond’s face is close to his, just a few inches away. Without thinking, Axel reaches an arm around the blond’s waist and leans his head down, meeting Roxas’ lips halfway in a gentle kiss that sets his heart on fire in a blaze he never wants to let go of.


End file.
